Hi, folks!

Distraction goes live on Friday! (That's the 3rd book in the Hunters Universe.) Lullaby (book 2) goes live on Amazon same day. It's already live on my website.

In anticipation of adding more content to this world, I've taken another crack at the Hunters Unlucky description. This book stands alone as a self-contained epic. It is a complex story, and writing a description for it has always intimated me. In the past, I've settled for short descriptions that attempt to get the reader invested in the initial conflict, namely the survival and coming of age of our protagonist. Here's the description currently on Amazon:

One clear night on the Island of Lidian, two friends fought to the death over other people's ideas. Or perhaps a villain killed a hero. Or perhaps a hero won. It depends on who you ask. Everyone agrees on this - the ferryshaft lost a war, and they've had a hard time ever since.

Twelve years later, Storm is born into a world of secrets - an island no one visits, names no one will say, and deaths that no one will talk about. Something about Storm bothers his elders, but nobody will explain. Storm doesn't know much, but he does know two things: everyone expects him to die, and he is going to prove them wrong.

Some people vibe with that, but I think a lot of readers bounce off that description thinking the book primarily deals with YA issues. This is very far from the truth. In the first paragraph, I tried to give the reader a sense of the complexity and moral ambiguity in the story, but I don't think I succeeded. I think that first paragraph is confusing and fails to grab people because it doesn't give the reader a specific character to latch onto.

I do like the first sentence of the second paragraph. The opening chapters of the book set up a lot of mysteries that I need the reader to invest in right away, and, of course, I need people to care about Storm's predicament.

One thing I have learned in the years since I wrote this description is that short is overrated. In my tests, more people click on longer, more detailed descriptions every time. Writing romance has also taught me that two POVs can add a lot of nuance to a description in a pretty tight space.

Here's the new one I'm fiddling with:

Storm is born into a world of secrets—an island no one visits, names no one will say, and deaths that no one will talk about. He’s a ferryshaft, a species that once dominated the island of Lidian, but they lost a war twelve years ago, and they’ve been paying the price ever since.

These days, the ferryshaft live small lives in constant fear of their conquerors, the creasia cats. They squabble with each other over scant resources and give little thought to their proud past. Skills and alliances that once gave them an advantage are being forgotten.

Storm wants answers, but more than anything, he wants to survive and protect those he loves. When Storm’s friends are threatened, he decides that he must act, pitting himself against the creasia to show that they can be resisted and outwitted. To prove his point, he must stay one step ahead of clever hunters, who have more to lose than Storm imagines.

Arcove fought his way to the leadership of a species vastly outnumbered and outmaneuvered. He challenged a hero. He took on impossible odds. And he won. Arcove has given the creasia twelve years of peace and kept their enemies under tight control.

But now an upstart youngster from that conquered species has managed to make Arcove look foolish. Storm reminds everyone of the hero Arcove once defeated. This time, he may win.

Meanwhile, an ambitious officer within Arcove’s own administration sees an opportunity to seize power. He and his followers have had their fill of peace, and they have their own ideas about what to do with the ferryshaft.

Storm is becoming a chip in other people’s games. When the balance of power stands on a knife’s edge, he will have to chose between following his instincts or breaking free of every known path to change the course of history.

This is still simplistic, but it gives a better impression of the real stakes and conflict. Hunters Unlucky is truly an all-ages book, and I hear from people 8 - 80 who've enjoyed it. The upcoming additions, however, include some explicit content and are adults-only, starting with "Distraction." That one definitely has a romance structure.

If you've got thoughts about this description, don't hesitate to hit reply and tell me. The books, in order, are:

Hunters Unlucky (ebook, paper, audio) Lullaby (ebook, paper, audio) Distraction (ebook, paper is coming, audio is coming) Arcove's Bright Side (pre-order)

You can get them all from me, or you can get the first two from the Zon.

Yours,
An author who is editing

p.s. Winner of Best Typo in "Distraction" goes to the following sentence: "Roup could feel his ears pickling." (prickling) That...sounds painful. This is why all the editing, people.